The first thing I want to tell you is in your life you will be judged three ways, and whether you like it or not makes no difference. You will be judged by the way you dress, the way you talk, and the way you write. Speak like an idiot and you will be seen as an idiot. Write like someone who didn’t get past 8th grade and you will be seen as someone who didn’t get past 8th grade.

Dress like a freaking slob and you will be judged to be a freaking slob.

Now, let’s get to your native tongue, which many Americans today don’t know squat about.

Is there anything wrong with this sentence:  Me and my boyfriend went to the store.  No?  Okay, suppose only she went to the store.  Would she say, “Me went to the store.” ??  There are two mistakes in that first sentence.  First, always mention yourself last, not first.  Lastly, if you are not sure whether to use “me” or “I”, say the sentence both ways and see which one sounds right.

Moving right along:

Did you see the picture of Justin Bieber receiving and award in Canada?  OH–my–Gawd!  How incredibly rude!!  “Ladies and Gentlemen!  Introducing Justin Bieber, Pig Farmer!”

I guess it’s an unwritten law that once you become a star, you can dress anyway you feel like it.  You can dress like a slob, a bag lady, frumpy, like someone who shops for clothes in dumpsters, and so on.

I make one-ten thousandth of one percent as much as a Hollywood star, but I dress 100 times better.  Where is the logic in that?  Maybe I have more self-respect than they have.

Do you shake your head like I do when I see an African-American woman on TV who looks like she just woke up?  Her twisted, cabled hair looks like it’s just a wad of dead snakes, reaching out, frozen in time.  My God, it goes everywhere sticking out here, there, up, down, around—TAKE A FREAKING BRUSH TO THAT HAIR; or whatever tool can get that wad into some sort of order.  IT LOOKS HORRIBLE!!

My generation was a better generation than the last couple of generations for many reasons, and one of the reasons is our appearance.  Guys actually combed their hair.  Guys actually dressed nice.  A woman would not go out with some guy dressed like he hasn’t changed clothes since the last time Haley’s comet passed by Earth.

Women of today:  have you no self-respect?  Explain why the dirtier a guy is, the more his hair is messed up, the baggier his pants are (forcing him to grab his crotch to keep his pants from falling down), and the more pieces of shrapnel he’s got stuck in his face the more attracted you are to him.  WTF?

Long gone are the days when men would dress neatly, smell good, and bring flowers to a girl for a date.

In the Hispanic culture, the men demand their dates/wives dress to the max, while at the same time the men dress like they just ended a gang rumble down the street, but only after overturning a few dumpsters.  In my youth, if a woman saw me at her door dressed like a total slob, she would slam the door in my face, and that would be that.

And peeps try to tell me society is not on a downhill slide to the bottom of the sludge pit.  Riiiiiiiiiight.

Okay.  Now that’s off my chest.  I hear my dirty laundry screaming, “WASH US!”