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For years, I’ve been making people, even total strangers, laugh. As a kid, I often bombed when I was trying to be funny, but I kept at it and honed my wise guy comments to be very funny and erased any fear of doing it in public. I’ve been recalling the many, many times I’ve made such comments, and I’m thinking about writing a little ‘book’, so to speak, about them. Most all the time, these comments just POP into my head at that moment and are not pre-planned. Here are a few you might enjoy.


I remember when I was called for jury duty. I was in a large room with many, many people. The Prosecutor and Defense attorney were asking questions of the people to decide who would be on the jury and who wouldn’t. Then they got to me.

“Mr. ******, what are your thoughts about the death penalty?”

Me: “Well, I think everyone ought to try it at least once.”

The whole room erupted in laughter, even the attorneys. I wasn’t chosen for the jury. LOL!


One night in a convenience store, I was in the middle of a long line for the cash register. A young man about 16 walked in with his, I assume, girlfriend. He had a ring in his eyebrow, one in his nose, five or six vertically in his cheek, two in his lower lip, and both ears pierced. I spoke up.

“Man, were you in Iraq?”

“No, I’m too young to be in Iraq.”

“Oh, I thought maybe you were there when a grenade exploded, and that’s how you got all that shrapnel in your face.”

Most people laughed, others, smiled and shook their heads. He, of course, gave me a dirty look. I was wearing a hat that said, “Disabled American Veteran.”


When I was in the military about the time the 5 mph bumper made its debut, I was in a military store with a friend. As we were walking toward the door to leave, we passed by a line of people waiting to pay for their goods.

I said, “The only good thing about a five mile per hour bumper is if you hit something doing sixty, you only do fifty-five miles per hour worth of damage.”

Someone sent that in to Readers Digest and made fifty bucks for it. That should have been MY fifty bucks. LOL!


I have many, many more, but that’s enough for now. If you think any of these are funny, please indicate by “like”.

Don’t send them in to Readers Digest. LOLOL!  Unless you want to share the money.